


Cigarettes

by sistercacao



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Canon, Language, M/M, Post-Canon, Sex, Smoking (kind of the whole point)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:59:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sistercacao/pseuds/sistercacao
Summary: Duo's always had two vices. One is nicotine. The other... is Heero Yuy.A series of vignettes on Duo's relationship with both.





	Cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic that rose from the dead. I think I started this in 2007 or 2008, picked it up again in 2010, and finally finished it in 2018. You can definitely see my writing style change throughout the fic. I decided not to do too much editing to the parts I had written before and just let them be. I think it gets better as it goes on, personally :D

“Aren’t you a little young to be smoking?”

“Aren’t you a little old to be wearing bermuda shorts?”

The unflinching reply shot out from behind a trail of cigarette smoke. The boy lowered one too-skinny arm, just so, before raising it again. Bony shoulders lifted with the inhale.

Howard winced, backing it up with a grin.

“Touche, kid.”

The moon was just becoming visible in the darkening sky. The boy watched its rise without turning to acknowledge his companion.

“Don’t underestimate me, Gramps.” Jeez, the kid took being called a kid so _personally._ “I’ve done shit that’d make your hair stand on end... more than usual.”

“Hey, don’t underestimate _me_ , kid! I was a legend in my day and I ain’t past my prime yet.”

Duo snorted, but his eyes were still fixed on some far-off point in the sky. Not looking at the moon anymore. Not quite.

He took another long, sullen drag off his cigarette. Howard sighed, following the boy’s gaze out over the horizon.

“So what, you’re moody cause that kid took off without telling you?”

Duo’s eyes slid a quick sidelong glare at Howard before they snapped back into place.

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, right. You’ve been out here every night, starin’ off into space, angry as hell. Like hell you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Duo shrugged with intentional nonchalance, but his next drag on the cigarette was furious and determined, as if he was trying to burn all the tobacco out with one take.

“Come on, kid, if you’re gonna smoke, at least savor it,” Howard teased. “You’re doing it all wrong.”

“I’m burning another one after this anyway,” Duo said, taking the bait.

The ice broken, he gave in.

“I don’t even know his name.”

“Eh, who cares? You guys managed to meet out of the whole world of people. You don’t need a name for that.”

Duo laughed.

“How the hell did you know, anyway?”

“The way you’ve been acting? It’s obvious.”

Duo had the good sense to look sheepish.

“Besides,” Howard added, “You talk to yourself a lot. Can’t help but hear you mumbling about him all the goddamn time.”

Duo chuckled behind his cigarette, peering out at that nowhere on the horizon.

“You know, he ransacked Deathscythe. Means I’m gonna have to kill him next time I see him.”

“Yeah, you’ll kill him, all right.”

The phrasing alone earned him a full swing of the head and a stare of disbelief.

“Hey, I’m old, but I ain’t blind.”

Duo snorted, took a drag.

“Didn’t know you swung that way, old man.”

“I don’t, but I recognize prime merchandise when I see it. Consider it a compliment.”

Grinning, the boy turned back around. The moon was a small white disk floating above the Earth. Howard watched Duo’s smile fade as he gazed out at the moon, his thoughts far beyond it and with a boy with stormy blue eyes and no name. Howard took a step forward, watching the trail of smoke from Duo’s dying cigarette curl out into the air.

“You know you’re gonna see him again.”

Duo shrugged. The nonchalance was faked.

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do.”

After a moment, Howard reached out to ruffle Duo’s hair.

“Those things’ll kill ya, you know,” he said, pointing a finger at the butts littered around Duo’s feet.

With a grin, Duo pulled a fresh cigarette out from his pocket.

“With any luck.”

  


***

 

“You smoke?”

Duo whirled around. Heero must’ve followed him away from the group when he’d gone for a break. Somehow, the festive fucking attitude the other pilots had after launching their gundams into oblivion had made him really need a cigarette.

“Yeah, I smoke,” Duo replied, turning back around.

Duo was a little too enamored to ever really wish Heero would get lost, but now was just _so_ not a good time. He needed to be alone for a minute, needed a moment of silence.

“Those are bad for your health, you know.”

Wrong fucking time, buddy.

“Heero,” Duo said, with all the weariness of the past few days piled on the name, “I just said goodbye to my best friend. I think I deserve a cigarette. If you please.”

Heero didn’t leave, or take his eyes off him. Duo let an awkward moment pass, taking a drag and letting himself get all steamed up. He turned toward Heero, ready to ask him what the hell was so important that he couldn’t leave him the hell alone, but he saw the look Heero was giving him, the set of his eyes, and it hit him like a punch in the stomach.

“And you’re saying goodbye, too.”

Heero was here to say goodbye before he left. Of course. Well, damn. If he hadn’t needed a cigarette before, he definitely needed one now. Duo inhaled deeply, letting the air and smoke back out with a sigh.

“Well, buddy...” Duo began, wanting to say something important, because he knew it was the last time they were going to see each other.

But what could he even say? Just what was Heero to him, anyway?

A fellow soldier?

Nah, they had shared much more than just that, at least he thought so. They’d gone through two wars together, lived together, starved and sat in chains in prison together, and saved each other’s asses just a few too many times to make them simply comrades in arms.

A brother?

He couldn’t presume that– for all his pent up yearning, he still felt too much unspoken distance between them to label them that close.

Well, then what? A friend?

Did _Heero_ think he was a friend? Sometimes he wasn’t so sure. After all, he hadn’t said goodbye the first time he’d bailed in 195. This was, in fact, a bit of uncharacteristic courtesy that Duo hadn’t really expected.

But... well, what the hell. He didn’t need Heero to think of him as a friend to consider Heero one himself. Besides, he only had a handful of people he had ever called friends, and each was precious to him.

“You’re a good friend,” Duo said, not really caring how it was received.

Heero looked a little surprised to hear it, but he nodded and stuck out his hand.

Kind of an anticlimactic ending, Duo thought to himself. But it looked like the handshake meant a lot to Heero, the way he was glaring at it, so he put his all into it.

“I’ll see you ‘round, buddy,” Duo said.

With another nod, the boy named Heero Yuy turned and walked out of Duo’s life.

“Shit,” muttered Duo, already fishing for another cigarette.

 

***

 

“Hilde, I’m borrowing a smoke!” Duo called, lifting the thin pack off the kitchen table.

Damn, he hated smoking lites. Give him a regular cigarette and all the everloving cancer that came with it, just don’t give him this half-ass bullshit. Oh well, they weren’t his to complain about. And it was a testament to Hilde’s patience, or adoration of him, whatever it was, that she put up with his pilfering of her shit. Touching Duo’s cigarettes without express permission usually gave a guy a black eye. Duo would shoot himself before he ever laid a finger on Hilde, but if she nabbed his cigarettes before asking he’d at least bear a grudge for a couple of days.

Duo sat down on the too-small couch and took a desperate drag from the weak cigarette.

“I feel like a chick with this shit,” he mumbled to no one, maybe to the lady on the news, currently being ignored on the TV that Hilde never turned off, even when she was in the shower.

This was the one that all their buddies in the salvage shop called ‘the hot version of Hilde’. She had a short fringe of hair in front, kind of looked like her, but she wore too much makeup. Hilde was a former soldier, after all; to her, “dressing up” was putting on a hat before she went out. Duo probably would’ve never agreed to live with her if she was the kind of girl who took two hours to get ready every day.

He was halfway through his second cigarette, still pondering this news lady and just what made her so attractive to his buddies, when the phone rang. Hilde was still in the shower but he called out, “I’ll get it!” just so she didn’t come barreling out of there to reach it before him. God forbid he talk to one of her boyfriends or something. Maybe she was afraid he’d tell them something mortifying about her, like she once won a burping contest at the local bar for a prize of twelve free buffalo wings. Duo knew this for a fact; after all, he’d been awarded second place.

“Hello, Schbeiker and Maxwell residence,” Duo said.

“Duo Maxwell,” said a familiar, throaty voice in reply. “It’s been a while.”

“Hey, Noin! That you?” Duo exclaimed, already pushing the button for video uplink.

Lucrezia Noin’s slender face popped up on the screen. Her hair was a little shorter; she had on a green jacket, some kind of uniform. Oh yeah, there was the Preventers insignia on the left sleeve. This call was starting to make some sense

“Duo, how have you been?” Noin raised an eyebrow. “You smoke?”

“Yeah, I smoke.”

The response was second nature by now, the question had been asked so many times. Was it such a surprise? Everyone acted like it was the craziest thing they’d ever seen. That and his hair. When he died, Duo’s obituary would probably read: ‘Duo Maxwell, dead at whatever the fuck. Long hair. Looked like a girl. Oh yeah, he smoked.’

“I’m sure you know why I’m calling, Duo, so I’ll keep it brief. The Preventers need you.”

Quite the declaration, Duo thought.

“They do, do they?”

Noin smiled.

“The Preventers Organization needs former combatants with your expertise, not only for active missions but for engineering, simulations development, tactical design...”

She said this all smoothly, like she had the words written down on cue cards.  

“Intelligence, weapons and combat knowledge... you gundam pilots are unparalleled in all respects. And you know we’re still a new organization, we’re only a few years old. We still have so many people to train, we need every capable person we can get, to say nothing of someone with _your_ capability.”

Well, look at that, a niche.

“You know, I’m gainfully employed over here already,” Duo said, wanting to see what else Noin would throw at him. Hilde never gave him this many compliments in one sitting, after all.

“Well, if you’re worried about income, there’s no question that what Preventers pays will be at least triple your current salary.”

Noin leveled a look at Duo. She knew that wasn’t it.

“I’m sure you miss this kind of work.”

Duo shrugged, taking a drag, concealing most of it with his palm so Noin didn’t give him shit about smoking girly cigarettes.

“Civilian life has its perks, you know.”

It wasn’t a _no_ and it wasn’t a _yes_. He didn’t want her to know how astute she was, after all. Couldn't let that go to her head.

“We’d get you started right away with Agents Chang and Yuy on field work,” Noin said, and he knew she’d pulled her trump card.

And what a trump card it was.

“Agents Chang and _Yuy_?” Duo repeated. His mouth went dry. He blamed the cigarette, though he knew better.

“Wufei Chang and Heero Yuy, both Preventers Agents.” Noin nodded on screen, apparently unaware of the atom bomb she’d dropped on him.

“So he joined the Preventers after all,” Duo muttered, to himself and not to Noin, really, his cigarette lifting unconsciously to his mouth. “Well, Noin, I’m going to have to think about this for a little bit and get back to you,” he said, knowing full well what his answer was going to be.

Noin pursed her lips in an attractive little frown.

“You know, Duo, this is the third or fourth time I’ve tried to reach you at home. You should try returning my calls sometime.”

“Really? This is the first time I’ve heard about it,” Duo said, glancing over his shoulder at the bathroom door.

“Well, I suppose next time I’ll just demand to speak to you personally. I’ll drop you a line Thursday, how does that sound?”

“Sounds great.”

Well then, Duo,” Noin smiled, “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Duo replied, shutting off the vid link and hanging up the phone.

He turned around and there was Hilde, cleaned up and out of the shower. Her hair was wild and sticking up in all directions from being vigorously shaken with a towel. She looked pretty sheepish, but the corners of her mouth tugged down perilously.

“I knew they’d get you on the phone eventually,” she said by way of explanation.

“Well, then why not just tell me in the first place?” Duo said, hands at his hips.

Two lite cigarettes burned in record time and he didn’t feel a damn thing. Worthless.

Hilde rubbed her hands on her arms like she was cold. The news blared on behind her, and in a move Duo’d never seen her do before, she hurried over and flipped it off. Still holding the remote, she sat slowly down onto the couch, staring at the crumpled box of cigarettes Duo had helped himself to. When she finally spoke, it was soft, almost painfully so. It sounded nothing like her.

“You’re going to take the job, aren’t you.”

It wasn’t a question. It was the same tone of voice he’d used when he’d realized Heero was leaving that day on the hill. How long ago had that been? How long had he lived here with Hilde, his best friend now that he’d shot the only other one he’d ever had straight into the sun?

Duo shrugged.

“Maybe. What does that have to do with the question?”

He wasn’t really annoyed, it was more that he was scared of how much emotion Hilde’s voice betrayed.

“Well, I...”

Hilde paused, and glanced over to the kitchen table with a sad half-smile.

“When you’re gone, who’s going to steal my cigarettes?”

 

***

 

Training sucked, Duo decided, as he slapped his pack rhythmically against his open palm.

Orientation sucked, he added, ripping the seal open and fishing the first cigarette out.

For some reason, he’d thought he’d get to skip all this unnecessary protocol and get right to the fun part. Noin had told him “right away”, but _right away_ apparently meant after two weeks of boring, tedious instructions that _this_ was the way you filed a completed mission detail and _this_ was the correct way to compose a brief, and oh yeah, _this_ was how you dismantled and cleaned a gun. He’d just laughed and maybe cursed a little under his breath at that one, wondering if next they’d be telling him the right way to tie his shoes or brush his teeth.

He couldn’t imagine in a million years that Heero had put up with something like this. Nah, Heero had probably been cleared through all this bullshit in a matter of hours. No way he would’ve suffered through the indignities Duo was currently suffering through.

Thinking about Heero brought up another sore spot. Though he’d never really intimated this out loud or let it linger in his mind for too long, Duo had had this crazy idea that Heero was looking forward to him coming, probably because the idea of seeing Heero again had been making him more excited and anxious than he was willing to admit. Hell, he’d almost been expecting to see him right there when he touched down at the airport. What a stupid idea. Like Heero Yuy would show up with flowers and a box of chocolates for his sort-of almost friend.

But he’d at least been expecting to see him around, and yeah, he _had_ been expecting Heero to come looking for him eventually. They hadn’t seen each other for nearly two years. And yet here he was, a week and a half into his employment at Preventers, in a city on Earth he’d never lived in before, no friends to speak of, and had he even seen a _glimpse_ of Heero Yuy at Headquarters?

Nope. Not a single one.

“This _sucks,_ ” he muttered over his cigarette. He felt like an idiot.

Behind him, the door opened and closed, and he registered the presence of someone at his back. He didn’t bother to turn around. In the state of mind he was in, he was liable to take his frustration out on any hapless fool who happened to wander along. No, better not to even bother trying to make nice, he decided. At least, not until the person behind him spoke.

“Duo?”

Duo was _really_ glad he wasn’t turned around just then, because the look on his face would have given all of his stupid feelings away. Holy shit. Holy _shit._

He heard a soft _crack_ and looked down to see that he had snapped his cigarette in two. He dropped it to the floor, running a hand through his hair in an effort to compose himself a little, before he turned around to come face to face with Heero Yuy.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, as a grin he didn’t really feel crept up his face. “Long time no see.”

“You were out here smoking?”

Geez, don’t see a guy for two years and that’s the first thing they say to you? Maybe it was because he used to walk around dressed like a priest that everyone was so surprised he smoked.

“Uh, yeah,” Duo said, kind of at a loss.

Heero looked... well, simply put, Heero looked amazing. Taller, more filled out at the shoulders, but that out of control hair still fell into those deep blue eyes and he still wore that trademark frown that wrinkled his forehead in that adorable way.

Ugh, he couldn’t believe himself.

And yet, he couldn't help but drink in the sight, let his eyes linger up and down as if trying to convince himself that yes, it was Heero standing in front of him, so distractingly handsome that his chest tightened just looking at him, just like old times. Two years blown away in a matter of seconds.

Holy shit indeed, Maxwell, he thought sheepishly. Get a hold of yourself.

“I heard you were in orientation,” Heero said, a small smirk crossing his face. Oh man, he looked _good_. “I hated orientation. I got called into Noin’s office three times for intimidating the other agents.”

“So you had to go through this shit too, huh?” Duo laughed, just to try to pull himself together a little. “And here I thought I was being punished for some sin in a past life.”

He paused, and Heero didn’t pick up the slack. There was an awkward moment before Duo forced something out.

“By the way, I haven’t seen you around here.”

“I’ve been away on a mission,” Heero said, shrugging slightly.

He paused. Then, with an honest to god smile: “it’s good to see you, Duo.”

Man, had Heero turned into a human being since he’d last seen him? It really _had_ been a long time.

“It’s real good to see you too, man,” Duo replied, for once not concerned with sounding like he meant it too much.

“My office is on the 8th floor, I’m sure I’ll still be there when you finish with training today,” Heero said. “Would... would you like to go get drinks tonight? There’s a good place not too far from here.”

Heero fumbled over the words a little bit, like he wasn’t used to saying them. Duo’s smile now felt like it really belonged on his face.

“Sounds good, buddy.”

They walked back inside together, Duo absentmindedly tucking his cigarettes back into his pocket.

“Those are bad for your health, you know,” Heero said.

“Jeez, if I had a dollar for every time you said that, Yuy!” Duo said, but didn’t really care. He knew he wasn’t going to pay attention to anything he was told in training for the rest of the day.

 

***

 

“Sorry I’m late!” Duo said, rushing into the bar to escape the chill of the night air.

He was surprised how quickly it had gotten cold. Sometimes it felt like no time had passed since nights were humid hot like they were when he’d first come to Earth to work for Preventers, but now it was late fall, practically winter, and three months had already gone by in a flash.

Heero, already sitting at the counter, held up a hand briefly in greeting. Duo took the seat beside him, shedding his coat.

“How is it that even if we start the same paperwork at the same time, you always finish first?” Duo complained.

“Maybe if you uninstalled solitaire and minesweeper from your computer, you’d finish sooner,” Heero said, smirking. “Here, I ordered you a beer.”

“Thanks!”

Duo took the bottle gratefully, glad it was Friday. Not just because it meant he could sleep in tomorrow, but also because it meant he got to relax at the local bar with Heero. Ever since that first time during orientation, Friday nights at the bar had become a regular occurrence.

Duo couldn't believe how much had changed about the guy in two short years. Still serious to a fault, still a stickler for following orders, but _damn_ , there was just no way the Heero from two years ago would have ever wanted to meet him in a bar after work and just shoot the shit. The guy actually cracked a smile at some of Duo's jokes now, and even held his own in that department-- he had a mean deadpan delivery that always managed to catch Duo by surprise.

Heero Yuy, a funny man. Imagine that.

Duo felt that, in comparison, he himself hadn't really changed at all. He still smoked like a chimney, still preferred flying by the seat of his pants during missions, and he was still hopelessly, desperately infatuated with Heero Yuy.

At least now he could really call him a friend, and not feel like it was only half-true.

“Wufei comin' tonight?” Duo said, wrapping his shirt around the beer bottle's neck to twist off the cap.

Heero shook his head.

“He said he had plans. I think he's started seeing that receptionist on the 14th floor.”

“No shit?” Duo chuckled, raising his beer to his lips. “What happened to the chick from Human Resources?”

“Good question.”

“Wow, he's on a roll, huh?” Duo took another swig, then leaned back on his stool in contemplation. “Wufei, a ladies' man... I can't believe it.”

“I think he can't, either,” Heero replied.

“You know, I always thought he had a thing for Sally Po. Noin told me that she was the one who got him to join up.”

“You know, I wanted to ask you about that,” Heero said.

“About what? Chang’s love life?”

“No, about you. Why you joined.”

“Oh,” Duo said stupidly.

They looked at each other a minute. Duo’s fingers itched for a cigarette. He reached for the one he usually kept tucked behind his ear, only to find it missing. Must have forgotten it in the office, in his haste to get to the bar. Damn.

“That’s kind of your fault, actually,” he said, because he had gotten better at this thing, this being close to Heero without it hurting too much thing. Because the prospect of anything happening with Heero was so remote, that it almost made Duo feel better. Almost.

Heero looked truly surprised at that statement. Heero tended to look angry when truly surprised, and he was doing that now, glaring at Duo like he wanted to get to the bottom of this.

“What does that mean?”

“Noin told me you joined up. That’s how she got me to sign away my soul.”

Heero just stared, his hand absently holding his beer, not speaking. Duo didn’t say a thing, either, fearing he might have just said a little too much. Sometimes he didn’t know the line. The need to step out for a smoke overwhelmed Duo in the awkward silence between them.

“Sorry, man, I need a cig.”

He was mostly saying sorry for telling Heero he’d come to Earth for him, specifically, not for leaving him alone at the bar.

There was a machine at the back of the room that sold the cheapest cigarettes for the most exorbitant price they could get away with, banking on the desperation of nicotine addicts like poor Duo Maxwell. It worked. He forked over nearly ten creds for the barely filtered kind that tore his throat to hell and back.

It was just cold enough out for Duo to pull up his collar as he stepped outside to light up. First the heat, now the cold. He’d probably never get used to the crazy Earth weather. Give him a nice, engineered climate any day, rather than one that tried to kill you with extremes.

The first drag of the cigarette calmed him down immensely, even though he held back the urge to cough at the nasty intake.

He’d be fine in a minute. He’d go in there and throw conversation at Heero until something stuck. He could ask about the week he’d just spent in Sanc on a mission. Duo hadn’t asked about it yet, because he still wasn’t sure how Heero felt about Relena and whether the trip to Sanc was for her, whether he’d requested to go because he knew he’d get to see her. He was half waiting for the day when Heero would admit that yes, he was in love with the girl, and Duo would finally have to extinguish this sad little flame in his heart, lest it burn a hole right through him.

The door he had stepped through opened again and there was Heero, still looking surprised, somehow. Or just angry. It was a little hard to tell.

“Hey,” Duo said. He took a drag.

“You really joined just because of me?”

Duo felt his face heat. Jeez, chasing him down just to belabor the point. Heero was like a dog with a bone, wanting to pick him apart. Wasn’t fair.

“Heero, don’t make it weird.”

“What’s weird? That’s what you said.”

Duo was already fishing for his second cigarette.

“Noin said we could be partners, if I joined.” He flicked his lighter, brought his hands up to shield the flame. “She declined to tell me you do all your missions alone now. Not much of a _partner_ guy anymore.”

“I thought you were happy on L-2. Living with Hilde.”

“Oh, I was, don’t get me wrong.”

He missed Hilde terribly, actually. The time difference was all wonky and they only got to talk when it was super early for her, and super late for him. He missed just hearing her voice, singing off-key in the shower loud enough to wake up the whole damn neighborhood. He missed her shitty lite cigarettes.

“But,” he continued. “It’s not the same. You know? Civilian shit.”

He took a long, thoughtful drag, let the grey smoke curl around him.

“Don’t really know how to do it.”

That finally straightened the lines out on Heero’s face, got that angry look to slink away somewhere, at least until the next time Duo put his foot in his mouth.

“I understand,” Heero said. His eyes were on the cigarette when he said, “Duo, do you want to be my partner?”

Duo had to laugh. The fucking nerve of Heero Yuy, to be so damn earnest. To keep stealing his stupid heart away.

“Didn’t think it would be that easy.”

Heero shrugged.

“I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.”

“I…”

But Duo figured he’d better shut up, after all, and not ruin a good thing, the first really good thing to happen since he landed on Earth.

He crushed the remains of the cigarette under his foot, throwing his arm around Heero, leading him back inside.

“Come on, _partner_. Next round’s on me.”

 

***

 

“I say we take the seaward route, come in at night, between patrols. There’s no lights along the beachhead. They’ll practically roll the red carpet out for us.”

“It’s also wide open. The forest has more cover.”

“Never knew you to play it so safe, Yuy.”

“Can’t say the same, Maxwell. I always knew you were reckless.”

Heero smiled. He was good at that now, cutting down on the bite of his words. Downright charming, when he wanted to be. It still caught Duo by surprise, the tricks Heero had learned to pull out of his sleeve. Still got his heart to beat a little faster than he wanted.

“It’s only reckless if it doesn’t work,” he replied.

The whole lot of the maps they’d used to plot out the vague outlines of the guerilla camp they planned to infiltrate were spread out on the only table in the room, a flimsy desk with two wobbly chairs. Two years into his Preventers career, and he was still using high schools as a cover. Pretty embarrassing.

The maps had the careworn look of heavily scrutinized battle plans. Duo’s route from the sea was marked in green, Heero’s forested cover marked in red, and the lines intersected at the target, an unremarkable point in the forest marked _CAMP_ , underlined twice for emphasis.

Brazilian nationalists, intent on expelling ESUN peacekeeping forces, on forming a little army to take on the whole rest of the world. The thought had occurred to Duo that the two of them probably had more in common with those guys out in the forest than they were comfortable to admit.

Duo wore only his undershirt and uniform slacks, the requisite tie and button-down flung somewhere on a bedpost. The damn dormitory lacked air conditioning, and once again the Earth weather was trying to kill him with extremes. Heero looked unfazed, despite the beads of sweat collecting at his temples. Their only window was wide open, with a makeshift ashtray of an empty fast food carton, half-filled with cigarettes, perched on the ledge, a few still smoldering within it.

Duo went to the window now, fishing for another cigarette from his back pocket.

“Gotta love these accommodations. They always pull out all the stops for us, huh? I’m impressed we even got beds.”

Heero snorted, taking a spot beside the window at Duo’s side. A warm breeze swirled around them, and Heero closed his eyes, wrinkled his nose a little at the smell of Duo’s cigarette blown into his face.

Duo sighed. “Sometimes, I don’t understand why I signed up for this shit,” he said, only half joking. “I used to have a pretty relaxing gig on L-2, before I decided to become a superhero.”

“Yeah, why did you?”

“Huh?”

“Leave Hilde and L-2.”

“You make it sound like we were married or something.”

“Or something,” Heero said, looking strangely serious.

He always got a little weird when Duo talked about L-2, like he didn’t quite believe him that he hadn’t broken Hilde’s heart when he’d left. Maybe he had, a little bit, but not in the way Heero seemed to think.

It was a little bit of wishful thinking, true, but it reminded Duo of the way he used to get when he thought about Heero and Relena. Like there was some big secret there that Heero wouldn’t share with him. But that question had been answered some time ago, one night with the three of them, Wufei and Heero and himself all drinking, Wufei a little too puffed up on his own reputation as a lady killer asking Heero straight out why he hadn’t started something of his own with Relena. It had made Duo’s blood go cold in his veins for a moment, until he saw the genuine shock in Heero’s face at the mere suggestion that he had intentions like that toward the princess. He had nearly clocked Wufei for the insinuation, and it had made Duo _really_ glad he’d never had the guts to ask himself.

“I would have liked to stay,” Duo said, whether it was the truth or not, “but duty called, and all that.”

“That’s not what you told me.”

“Christ.” Duo sucked down a long drag of tobacco smoke. “You want to talk about the plans?”

“We’ll take the seaward route,” Heero said, plainly. “It was my fault, remember?”

A concession, because he had found something Duo still didn’t want to talk about and was going to gnaw on it.

“I really wish I never told you that,” Duo muttered.

Heero smiled. He was close, craning his neck to try to get a little fresh air from the cramped window. He smelled good, looked good with that sheen of sweat on him. There’d probably be some time in the future when Duo took advantage of the look of him in this moment, in private, later. He had amassed quite a nice collection of memories for that purpose in the last couple of years. A talent of a sick and infatuated mind.

“You know,” Heero began, “when the Mariemeia incident happened, I never wondered why I went to you to help me. It was just natural. And I never thought for a moment you wouldn’t come with me.”

Duo’s fingers itched, despite the cigarette already burning down to the filter between them.

“There’s something else I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Heero continued.

“Oh yeah?”

“I was the one who pushed Noin to get you to join.”

He looked over at Duo, at the smoke curling from his spent cigarette. The smoke might as well have been coming from his brain, Duo thought, because it was like a bomb had gone off in his head.

“Heero…”

“I always feel like I pulled you away from something really good,” he said quietly. “Something better than watching my ass so I don’t get shot. Made you give something up for something… that wasn’t worth it.”

He shrugged, moving away from the window to stand against the wall, arms crossed. A rare retreat from Heero Yuy.

“I know I should drop it.”

“Christ, Heero.”

Duo pushed off the window ledge and went to stand in front of him.

“You don’t have to feel guilty, Yuy. I made the choice to come here. I’m the one who left the colony.”

But Heero felt guilty because he knew Duo would come, if he asked him to. He wasn’t asking Duo to tell him not to feel guilty. He was asking Duo to tell him he was worth it.

And didn’t he know already? Didn’t Heero know the moon revolved around him in Duo’s eyes? That if all Heero ever wanted from him was to have Duo watch his ass so he didn’t get shot, he would do it gladly? Duo would love nothing more than to spend the rest of his life in shitty dorm rooms, marking enemy bases on maps and planning attack routes with Heero. Even if that was all he ever got.

“It’s worth it, Heero, okay?” he said quietly.

Wordlessly, Heero reached down and took the smoldering cigarette from Duo’s fingers, leaning over him to extinguish it in the cardboard ashtray by the window.

“Man, I really hate these things,” he said.

Then he reached his hand out to close on Duo’s jaw and pressed their mouths together. Duo sank into him, breathed him in like smoke. Heero’s tongue slipped past his teeth, his hands on Duo’s hips, his breath hot and short. Duo made it last as long as he could, like a really good drag, like that first blissful inhale, because it was a perfect moment and he knew he needed to memorize it.

They broke apart, just so, breath still mingling in the uncirculated air of the room, just enough that Duo could see the blue chasm of Heero’s eyes watching him.

“We still have to get through this mission,” Heero whispered.

Duo was all smiles, enough so that he thought his face would start to hurt.

“Seaward route. You said it, not me.”

Heero glanced at the maps on the table, the cigarettes burning out on the window ledge.

“Remind me to continue this conversation when we get back.”

 

***

 

“Fuck, Heero… please…”

He threw his head back, arched his spine, like he could find more space for Heero to fill, more nerves to touch, more skin to set on fire. He hovered over Heero’s perfect body, skewered, shuddering as Heero held him by the arms, pumping up into him. He had no idea what he was begging for, Heero was already giving it to him as hard as he could take it, as deep as he could fucking go.

“Duo…”

Heero had a way of saying his name, when he was really in the rhythm of it. Like a mantra. An oath. Praying at the shrine of Duo Maxwell. It made him think of the Eucharist, what he remembered from his childhood, at least. The body and the blood. Heero always gladly swallowed the holy communion.

His orgasm overwhelmed him, made him laugh with the relief of it, the weight it lifted from him. It was always a shock, a sucker punch, Heero’s mean right hook deep in his stomach. Heero tensed inside him and filled him to the brim and pulled him down to swallow his breath, too, kissing him desperately as he jerked and finally stilled.

The conversation that started in Brazil had continued unabated for six months. Duo was sure his back was going to give out any day now, but he crawled into Heero’s bed every night just the same. Wufei had commented on him walking funny in the office a couple of times, and Duo was sure he had started suspecting something, because the comments were starting to come with sideways glances.

He was distracted by Sally again though, lately, which gave Duo and Heero enough cover to keep fucking and never stop. It was easier not to have to pretend that they were going home separately, even if Duo found it a little funny, a little arousing, to sneak over to Heero’s place late at night and jump his bones in the doorway.

They showered together, after, because Duo hated the feeling of come dripping down his legs, and Heero hated the feeling of being in the bed without Duo.

The moon was high and bright in the sky, enough so that they could both see clearly with the bedroom lights off. Duo went over to push the window up. They were in the sweet spot between seasons where the Earth forgot to try killing them and instead let them enjoy a little nice weather, for a change. Duo let the cool breeze settle over his damp skin and felt, more than heard, Heero come up behind him.

“I keep forgetting to bring smokes with me,” Duo said.

The moon, when it got big enough, made him think of the ocean, of a big sweeper ship and a ransacked gundam and a beautiful nameless boy who made him smoke like a chimney just to calm his fluttering heart.

His fingers itched, though he hadn’t touched a cigarette in almost four months. He supposed they always would, that this was the way it was with addictions. His fingers itched for a smoke and his heart would always itch for Heero.

“You made a deal with me,” Heero said in response, pressing warm lips to his earlobe, his neck.

Sex for cigarettes. As much of Heero as he wanted, for one small vice.

This time, he really had given up something good, for something far more worth it.

“Heero?”

“Hm?”

Heero was kissing his shoulder now, grazing his teeth along Duo’s skin. In a few minutes, he’d start shallowly thrusting against his ass again, ready for round two. It was nights like this that got him the weird looks from Wufei the next day, staggering around the office like a zombie, sore and so fucking proud of himself.

“You ever figure out why you always came to get me?”

Heero’s strong arms wrapped around him.

“Yeah.” He chuckled, and it sounded like _I love you._ “It turns out I’m crazy about you. You ever figure out why you always came with me?”

“Yeah.” Duo laughed-- _I love you too._ “I’m hopelessly addicted.”

Heero spun him gently around to take his mouth, to plunge his tongue between Duo’s teeth. Another delicious drag, a glorious inhale.

This was better.

Hilde’s lites, the cheap shit from the bar, the gold standard Lucky Strikes that Duo carried like a bible in his pocket.

Better than all of them.

He filled his lungs with Heero, breathed out, breathed in again, memorized the taste of him. Right on time, Heero pulled Duo’s legs around him, carried them back over to the bed, his fingers itching.

He knew Duo would keep on forgetting to bring his cigarettes. And Duo knew he wouldn’t miss them all too much.


End file.
